


Home for the Holidays

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Children, F/M, Family, Holidays, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-25
Updated: 2007-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:50:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: CJ and Paul's first Thanksgiving and Christmas as a family





	Home for the Holidays

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Home for the Holidays**

CJ, Danny, OMCs, OFCs, total AU, total fantasy (or is it?) 

Rating Adult --contains vulgar, maybe offensive language, but it's needed for the story 

Spoilers through end of series 

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul 

Feedback and criticism always welcomed 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Wednesday, November 27, 2013, Kensington , CA

He was lying there in the warmth and the sun. A beautiful butterfly was resting on his chest. The wings of the insect were the sheerest gossamer, were the most gorgeous of colors. The butterfly had no fear of him. It lay there, as if it felt safe and secure in his arms. Somehow, his arms were around the butterfly. The butterfly's antennae brushed against his nose. It tickled and he reached up to move the antennae to the side… 

Paul Reeves woke in the pre-dawn. CJ's head and part of her upper body lay on his chest, her hair, spread out in a haphazard halo, brushed against his mouth and his nose. 

He gently moved the strands from his face, and then pressed a light kiss on the tresses. At first, he saw just the contrast of her skin, light gold with its southern California tan still in evidence, against the mahogany of his chest. As his eyes adjusted , he began to make out the dusky coral of her lips and her nipples, the deeper bronze of her hair, brows, and eyelashes, then the paler peach of her nails. 

He looked over at the bedside clock. It was just after 7:00 in the morning. She had been sleeping now for about two and a half hours. 

He sighed, as silently as possible. He was not surprised that he would feel the need to have a "serious discussion" with CJ within three weeks of their wedding. It did surprise him that the subject would be his participation in the care of the children; or rather, her unwillingness to let him participate. 

Last week, on one of Paddy's mornings in preschool (they were easing him into it, 3 mornings a week), they had called her at her office on campus. He had a "tummy ache" and the runs and really wanted to come home. CJ cancelled a meeting with three department chairs in order to pick up the child. That evening, when he told her that he had had nothing on his calendar and could easily have taken care of the errand, she bent down, kissed him lightly, told him that he was "sweet to offer", but she didn't want to "bother him with the kids' problems." It was the same when he mentioned that although he didn't begrudge the expense, there was no reason to have someone else in the house on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons watching the children when he was at home. 

Then Monday night (or, rather, very early Tuesday morning) Caitlin began wailing as if all hell were breaking loose in her little body (or her mind). CJ was with the baby for over four hours, trying everything in the world to quiet her, before the child, probably exhausted from crying, fell into a fitful sleep. Then last night, the toddler began again, at roughly the same time. CJ moaned as she lifted her head from the pillow beside him. 

"I'll go, sweetheart. You're still dead from last night." 

"You're sweet." Again those words, this time with a yawn, again the light kiss. "But I don't want to bother you." She got out of bed, pulled on a robe over her nudity, and went to the baby's room. 

At least, both times, whatever the disease or demon that was tormenting his precious little stepdaughter, it had the decency to wait until their lovemaking had reached a (very) satisfying conclusion. 

The continuing degree and intensity of their sex life was one of the many pleasant surprises of the past few weeks. 

The two to four times a day while they were at Calistoga Hot Springs were to be expected : it was their honeymoon. In September they had agreed to honor the memory of both Danny and Alicia by not reconsummating their relationship until after the wedding ceremony and by the time two months had passed, he knew that he, at least, was, to put it bluntly, horny as hell. Counting the half-year when Alicia was in so much pain prior to her death in May 2006, it had eight years since he had been with a woman. Until he had started to court CJ again, it hadn't been a problem, but ever since June--. 

Neither was the fact that they made love every night since the honeymoon that surprising. Until her body became ravaged with pain 15 months before her death in May 2006, he and Alicia had enjoyed each other just about every day, except for her cycle, the occasional night apart, and the time right before and after the birth of the twins. He knew without asking that CJ and Danny had experienced an equally active love life; even more, because Danny's cancer was not a painful one, just a weakening (and deadly) one. And with CJ entering menopause, they wouldn't be missing a week once a month. 

He was not particularly surprised that they wanted each other several mornings a week, when their schedules and the time they awoke made it feasible, nor did the three times that they had awakened in the middle of the night reaching for each other amaze him. 

What did amaze him is the fact that more often than not, he was not only willing, but ready and able to possess her a second, sometimes even a third time, within only twenty minutes or so of the last time. What did amaze him was that sometimes all he had to do was look at her, or she at him, and they were in each other's arms. Several times a day they would find themselves clasped in an embrace that left no doubt of their desire for each other, with the ragged "Later" making "Anticipation" their favorite pastime. Any television show past Paddy's bedtime did not make it to their "must see" list. 

He heard the sounds coming through the baby monitor, swiftly but carefully slipped from underneath CJ, and reached Caitlin's room before she could give full voice to her cries. 

He buried the monitor in the top drawer of the dresser to dampen the noise, then picked up the child. 

"Come to Papa, darling. Let Papa make it all better." 

It was only then that he remembered that he was nude. His pajama bottoms were somewhere on the bedroom floor. ("Now why did you bother with those?" she asked as he came into the bedroom from their bathroom. She reached for the drawstring and slipped them from his hips, her mouth tracing down from his chest to his waist to his groin). Still holding the whimpering, but not (yet) screaming child, he made his way to the other bathroom, grabbed one of the big fluffy cream-colored towels that had been set out for Derrick's arrival later today, and returned to Caitlin's nursery. Setting her in the crib for a minute, he grabbed a couple of safety pins and pinned the towel around his waist. Then he picked up the baby and carried her into his study. 

He sat down on the loveseat and held her against his chest. Her eyes seemed so troubled, as if she were tormented by frightening nightmares. But what could frighten a little baby so? What trauma could an infant, just days past her first birthday, have suffered? 

"Don't fret, darling. We're taking you to the doctor later this morning to see if we can find out what's making you so unhappy. And if something is bothering you, just don't worry. You've got Papa and Mama here, and Daddy and Aunt Alicia in heaven, to make sure that nobody or nothing gets to you." 

She calmed down and smiled up at him. She looked so much like her father. Then she made a face and pushed down with her legs. The resulting odor was not that unpleasant, but it was obvious what had happened. He laughed, stood up, and made his way back to her room. 

It had been over twenty years since the twins, but he had done plenty of this while in missionary service and he expertly took care of Caitlin's needs. The only thing he didn't know how to handle was the little machine that turned the dirty disposable diaper into the sealed, compact little ball. 

On the way to the kitchen, he checked in on Paddy. The boy was sprawled across his bed. Paul picked up the quilt from the floor and covered the child, stroking the hair that mirrored his mother's. 

Once in the kitchen, he set Caitlin in her high chair and put a half-cup of Cheerios on her tray. As he made a pot of coffee, she played with and ate the little circles. Two in the mouth, one thrown out at random seemed to be her pattern. While the coffee brewed, he found the baby cereal box, determined the portion she needed, and prepared it. Then, pouring himself of cup of coffee, he opened a jar of applesauce and fed the girl. 

He had just finished feeding the baby when Paddy came into the kitchen. 

"Morning, Papa. Is Derrick here yet?" Paddy couldn't wait for his "big brother" to arrive from Seattle , where he was in his second year at the University of Washington School of Law. 

"No, he probably won't get here until later this afternoon." 

"Why?" 

"Because it's a twelve hour drive. He was going to try to get up in the middle of the night. He'll probably call us soon and let us know how he's doing." 

"I wish he could be here now." 

"I do, too. (Because even though he's almost 24, I still worry about him.) In the meantime, why don't I make us some French toast for breakfast?" 

"Yay!! I like French toast!" 

"Okay, now you make sure that Caitlin is okay in her high chair while I cook it." 

He went to the refrigerator to get the milk, eggs, butter, and syrup. He poured a glass of apple juice and gave it to Paddy. 

"Papa, you look like Tarzan!" 

He looked down at the towel pinned to his waist. "I guess I do." 

An hour later, they were still at the kitchen table. Caitlin was playing with a musical toy. Paul and Paddy were playing "Old Maid". Derrick had called. He estimated his arrival at 4:00 PM. Paul told him that they had a 1:00 PM appointment with the pediatrician and reminded Derrick of the code to the front door lock in case they weren't back in time. 

"Morning." CJ walked into the room. "What's going on?" 

"Papa made French toast! He looks like Tarzan!" 

He had stood up and was walking toward her. He was tall, still quite slender, in very good shape. The towel pinned to his waist was loose, but it drew her attention to what it covered. 

"Good morning, sweetheart." He gave her a light hug, a brief kiss, not wanting to get too close. Even with the children in the room, he could feel himself stirring at the sight of her. 

"You're sweet to take care of the kids for me. You didn't have to." 

For the moment, he resisted the urge to disagree with her. Instead, he insisted that she sit down, poured her a cup of coffee. He made some more French toast and they talked about their plans for the day. Neither of them was going into work today. The four-day Thanksgiving holiday had been extended by one day. The four of them would go to the pediatrician, he stated , and she didn't argue with him this time. 

Deborah called from Puerto Rico . Her roommate from Miami of Ohio had planned a destination wedding for this weekend and Deborah was the maid of honor. She wouldn't be joining them for this holiday but was looking forward to Christmas. 

CJ didn't need anything else for dinner tomorrow, but she didn't know about breakfast. He suggested that they have Derrick make breakfast. He did a thing with eggs, ham, cream, and cheese that was out of this world. He called his son to make sure they weren't missing any crucial or secret ingredient. 

Caitlin was nodding off in her highchair so they took her to her room. Paul insisted that CJ show him how to use the Diaper Genie. Paddy was in front of the family room TV, enthralled in a Muppets episode. 

When she headed into their bathroom, he pulled her onto the bed and they didn't bother removing her robe or his towel. 

Twenty minutes later, they were in the shower together. If Paddy hadn't called to them, the shower might have ended much more pleasantly. 

The doctor could find nothing wrong with Caitlin, was at a loss to explain why she was so fussy. He suggested a lavender bath as a relaxant. His nurse, an older woman, whispered that her Scotch grandmother swore by a "wee, wee drop of whiskey in the final bottle at night". 

Derrick arrived at 3:30. No, he told his father, he didn't speed, not really. He was doing 85, yes, but he was passed much more than he passed other cars and trucks. In fact, from Redding to just south of Dunnigan, where he left I-5 to swing over to the bay, it was as if everyone was on flatbed rail cars, just being pulled along. However, he was tired and would like to get a nap before supper. 

"Derrick, you're sleeping in my bed!" 

When they had asked Paddy if Derrick could sleep in his room over the holiday, the little boy got so excited . He cleaned out a drawer "for my brother" and seemed really excited about letting Derrick use his room. They had planned to put a rollaway bed in Caitlin's room for Paddy. 

"I know, buddy, and I thank you very much for letting me." 

"Mama, if Derrick's gonna sleep, I want to, too. Set up the bed." 

"We already did, honey. See, it's just there by Caitlin's crib." 

"But we're brothers. Brothers sleep in the same room. Like Mike and Steve." 

Oops. They forgot to explain to Paddy that Derrick would probably prefer to be by himself. CJ could see the tears start to form in the little boy's eyes. 

"That's right," Derrick said quickly. "Brothers share a room. Let's move the bed where it belongs." 

In the act of getting the rollaway from one room to the other, Paul pulled aside his son. 

"You sure you don't mind?" 

"No. I mean it's not as if there's a lady friend in the picture," the young man joked. 

"Yeah, about that. You know, what would have previously been okay when we were all past a certain age, the family has new dimensions now." 

Derrick gave his father a look that indicated he understood. He was now a role model. 

CJ became increasingly nervous as the evening approached. Paul had accepted a call to be an associate minister at one of the local churches, filling in when needed, and tonight he would be preaching for the Thanksgiving Eve service, the first time he had done so since the wedding. It would be her first time as "the preacher's wife" and she was nervous for herself. Would she look okay? Would the kids look okay? Would they behave? Would Paddy make some comment about there not being any statues, or where were the altar servers, or that papas couldn't be priests? 

When discussing all the details of blending their lives together back in September and October, they agreed that they would attend church with each other. If there was one place where they could pull off their multi-dimensional "mixed marriage", it would be Berkeley . When Paul took the position with the congregation, he asked the senior minister for the name of the biggest gossip and then called on Mrs. Bialy in the guise of getting to know some of the church members. In the course of the conversation, he told her all (well, not quite all) about CJ, how they met, her first marriage, his first marriage, and how they came to be together again after so many years. Mrs. Bialy thought it was the most romantic thing and by now, the entire congregation knew all the gory details, so he wouldn't have to explain anything to anybody. CJ did something similar with her parish and, except for the one man who took Paul aside and told him that there was a precedent for ordaining married ministers who converted to Catholicism "and anything that might eventually get the Pope to realize that he was being an ass on the subject was a good thing", no one cared (or at least no one said anything to their faces). 

Derrick assured CJ that she looked fine, that the kids looked fine. Paddy was going to do whatever Derrick did, so he would make sure that the boy didn't say much of anything. 

She had to admit that she felt proud, sitting there in the first pew, watching her husband, looking so handsome in his clerical garb and stole, leading the congregation in song and prayer, then preaching on the joy of thanking God for His bounty. At the end, he turned to them. 

"As you may know, God has recently given me a second chance at happiness and that I was married again a few weeks ago. This is the first time I have led this congregation since then and I would like to introduce my wife, CJ, and you'll have to ask her what the initials stand for, if you're brave enough, my son Derrick, and the new children of my heart, Paddy and Caitlin. Deborah, Derrick's twin, is standing up for her college roommate this weekend, but I hope you will meet her at Christmas." 

As they stood and faced the congregation, they were greeted by applause. There were murmurs as many in the crowd (this was Berkeley, after all) recognized former President Bartlet's Press Secretary slash first woman Chief of Staff slash Nobel Prize laureate. Everyone was so friendly after the service. Paddy told everyone how much he loved "the Papa that Daddy found for us before he went to heaven" and "now I have a brother!" 

It happened again, just after midnight. He had just gone rigid, shuddered, and released inside her. She had just stiffened against him, quivered, and melted , making the sound that was half sigh, half cry, the sound that was sweeter than Brahms, more joyous than Beethoven, more glorious than Bach. He was whispering her name over and over, quieting her, bringing her down gently, already thinking about taking the both of them up to the heights again. 

Caitlin's terror came through the speakers of the monitor. 

She began to push him away from her. 

Tomorrow, or the next day, or after the holiday, he would seat her beside him in the study and talk with her, for hours if necessary, convince her of what he knew to be true. Tonight he was going to put down his foot, figuratively. Tonight, actions would speak louder than words. He was going to insist, this once, on the marriage model proposed by the apostle for whom he was named. 

"No, CJ." He pushed her down in the bed. "You've been up for two nights straight. Tonight is my turn." 

"But," 

"No buts," he said sternly. Then he softened the tone by kissing her as he lifted himself off the bed, pulled on the pajama bottoms he never bothered to put on earlier in the evening, and went to take care of the miserable little girl. 

He heated a bottle in the kitchen and then walked toward the living room to feed her, trying to get her as far away from the bedrooms as possible, shutting the door between the bedroom wing and the rest of the house. On the way, he remembered the words of the doctor's nurse, remembered his grandmother saying the same thing, and stopped to add about a teaspoon or so of MacDonald Moonshine to the bottle. 

She took the bottle. The ghosts still possessed her eyes, but her wails quieted to whimpers. He returned to the nursery, sat in the rocker, and began to sing. 

CJ woke to the sound of her husband's soft voice coming through the baby monitor. She checked the clock. It had been about two hours since he had taken matters into his own hands. 

"Hush, little Caitlin, don't say a word 

Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird. 

And if that mockingbird won't sing 

Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring. 

And if that diamond ring turns brass 

Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass." 

He went through every verse she knew and some that she didn't. At the end, she was sure he was inventing on the fly. 

Then he stopped singing. "Kitty Caitlin, my baby. Don't be afraid. Whatever is trying to bother you, don't let it. Papa won't let anything or anyone hurt you. Papa promised your Daddy to take care of you and your brother and your mama and I'm going to keep that promise. Just keep remembering that. Papa's here. Papa's here. Papa's here." 

Maybe he really did want to help, she thought as she snuggled down into the bed. He really was a wonderful man. Danny probably knew what was best. He usually did, she thought ruefully as she drifted off to sleep again. And if he were here, he'd certainly be helping in the care of his little girl. He sure did with Paddy. 

_"It's taken you this long to realize it? " Danny brushed his wife's face, smoothing her brow._

"He always was good with the kids, always good about sharing everything. Of course, with twins, it was a necessity. But what are we going to do with this poor little child? 

"Her godmother finally has that in hand. Aisling's still developing the connection between the two of them. So, tell me about tomorrow. The meal is being served in the Big Dipper?" 

She was finally asleep. Paul gently lowered her into the crib, then returned to his bed and his wife. CJ stirred, turned around to face him, and buried her head in his armpit. "Love you," she murmured. 

"Even when I'm bossy?" he whispered. 

The only response was a light snore. 

He kissed her head, wrapped her in his arms, and fell asleep. 

Thanksgiving Day, 2013

Caitlin made it through the rest of the night without waking. 

They got the 22-pound turkey in the oven by 8:00. They used Alicia's stuffing recipe. 

They went to Thanksgiving Day Mass at 9:00 AM. When CJ went up to Communion with Caitlin in her arms and Paddy at her side, Derrick got up to join her. 

Paul pulled him back. "Derrick! You know they don't practice open communion!" 

"I was going up for the blessing. I checked with CJ last night to make sure they do it here." He was talking about the practice of extending a blessing to those who approach the ministers with arms crossed over their breast. Then he thought again. "Unless, with your position, you would prefer that I don't?" The last thing he wanted to do was cause discomfort for his father. 

Paul had struggled with the concept himself. He was not yet ready to take that step, although he knew of many ministers -- Lutherans, Episcopalians, Presbyterians -- who did so when attending funerals and weddings. 

By this time, it was too late, but for the future, he told Derrick that he had no problem if Derrick wanted to participate in this manner. 

Afterward, Derrick did make the baked egg recipe he had learned from a girlfriend when he was in high school in Lexington . He was constructing mimosas and had pulled down four flutes. He made three standard mimosas and then put an ounce of champagne in the fourth glass. Then he stopped. From his childhood, he was only doing what his mother and father had done, but he didn't know what CJ's thoughts were on the situation. 

"CJ?" he asked. "Is this okay for Paddy?" 

She saw what he was doing and nodded her assent. "Gina's family does it all the time. Put some seltzer in there also, instead of filling it with orange juice. It will make it fizzier." 

Their company arrived at 2:00 and 2:15, two students from the International Students Association. 

When the executive secretary to the president of the Theological Union had called him and asked if they could host two students for Thanksgiving, he demurred. Yes, he knew that many of these students had nowhere to go for the brief holiday, had no idea of the custom. But he and his wife had been married less than a month, were trying to blend two families and, for all intents and purposes, three generations. 

However, the woman did not become the real power in the Union by taking "No" for an answer. She called CJ and made it sound like Paul's professional career would take a definite bounce forward if they entertained for the holiday. So, of course, CJ said "Yes". 

When he discussed the subject with her, she explained that Joel and Hannah always had extra people for Thanksgiving, that when she was in Washington , people were always bringing extra guests, and that it might be fun. He conceded, telling her she had made the right decision. 

They were assigned Esmée, a young French woman who brought two bottles of Beaujolais nouveau, and Tonio, a young man from Florence who brought a box of the most delicious pastries from the North Beach section of San Francisco . 

They ate at 3:00 PM and were just starting dessert when the Fed Ex package from Aisling arrived. 

"Dear Aunt CJ. Play this DVD for Caitlin whenever she gets fussy (or you want a little time to yourself)." 

After their guests left, they put the disc in the player and watched it. It contained cuts from old "Flintstone" cartoons, scenes (nothing traumatic or frightening) from one of the movies made from Jean Auel's "Earth's Children" series, and some scenes from an Irish television documentary on prehistoric life in Wexford. As she watched it, Caitlin's expression varied between laughter and quiet introspection. 

Paul and Derrick spent the evening watching basketball. Paddy tried mightily to stay up with them, but ended up falling asleep with his head on Derrick's lap. CJ talked with Donna, Sam , and Diana. 

That evening, Caitlin slept peacefully through the night. 

Friday November 29, 2013

Paddy pulled on Derrick's hand. 

"Maybe they're in Papa's study. Mama! Papa!" His brother wanted to take him for a ride, all the way to San Francisco . They could go to the zoo, maybe ride the ferry, have lunch, just do "brother" stuff. 

"Hey, guy! Don't shout! We need to walk up to the door and see if they are there. We have to knock and wait for permission to enter." 

He knew his father would be gentle and patient with the little boy, but his father did have his rules and two of the big ones were that you did not go through the house yelling for anyone and that you did not enter the study or the bedroom without first getting permission, even if the door was open. 

When he thought back on the next few minutes, he realized that although the events seemed to be crisp and distinct, in reality everything happened almost instantaneously. 

When he first heard the ragged male voice, consumed with passion, he thought it was the television and commented to himself that daytime dramas were certainly steamier than he remembered. 

"Oh, girl, can you feel what you do to me? Can you feel how hard I am for you, how hard you make me?" 

It was the nanosecond before he reached the open study door that he recognized the voice as his father's. 

His stepmother was pressed up against his father. Her arms were around his neck, hanging on as if she were afraid of falling and her lips were pressed into his shoulder, making small sucking kisses where neck met shoulder. 

His left arm was around her ribcage. His left hand was holding up several folds of the mid-calf full skirt she wore, baring her left leg up to her waist. The fingers of his right hand were under the waistband of her underwear, moving from her hip to her – 

He pulled the little boy away from the open door, waited a second or two, and then called out "Dad? CJ?" 

Once, when he was twelve, Derrick had used the words he heard his father utter under his breath. It cost him everything in his moneybox and a week's grounding. 

After a few more seconds, his father said, "Come in." 

His father still held CJ in his arms, but the skirt was now in place, except for a small fold at the hem. She was blushing furiously and moved away from her husband. Paul tried to hold her in place but she insisted on separating. 

When she did, Derrick realized that his father had wanted her in front of him to hide his very obvious arousal; however, once she moved away, the man made no effort to reach for a book or anything. His mien said to his son, "You know what was going on. I know that you know what was going on. You know that I know that you know what was going on." 

Derrick explained that he wanted to take Paddy with him for the afternoon. They would have lunch, perhaps even dinner, and do some sightseeing. Would it be okay? 

No, CJ didn't have to come get Paddy's jack et, they could manage themselves, see themselves out of the house. 

"Just go back to whatever you were doing," he flashed them a brilliant smile. "If Caitlin were older or if I knew more about babies, I'd take her off your hands also." 

When Paul had asked CJ to join him in his study earlier that morning, it was to have the "serious discussion" about his role in caring for the children. He told her that when he married her, he married the lot of them. He told her that Danny would always be in their lives, that Paddy and Caitlin would always have his name, his religion, would always have the pictures, the videos, the letters. But for all intents and purposes, he was now their father. Paddy and Caitlin were now his responsibility, a responsibility Danny wanted him to assume, a responsibility he wanted to assume, when he fell in love with her all over again. And to him that meant dealing with upset stomachs, crying jags, dirty diapers, doctors' appointments, on an equal basis with CJ. 

"Paddy calls me ‘Papa'. Caitlin will do the same when she learns to talk. I love it; it's what I want. Sweetheart, please stop acting as if I'm some cantankerous old uncle bothered by little ones. Or worse, as if I were a houseguest with privileges. The six of us are now family, a blended one to be sure, but a family nonetheless. Both of us need to care for all the children." 

Then he smiled his loving, "all will be okay if you go along with what I say" smile, the one he used when he knew that someone was about to admit to themself that he was right; he was the consummate gracious winner. "Now tell me that I'm right and we can drop the subject and move on to much nicer things." 

And she did; and they did. Until their sons came to the door they forgot was open. 

After the front door shut and they heard Derrick's car drive off, they went into the family room. Caitlin was in her playpen, trying to fit the right block in the right hole on the toy. They put Aisling's disc in the DVD player and went to the bedroom. In a few minutes, they were back to where they were before they were interrupted . 

The phone rang about 4:30 PM. Derrick and Paddy had been to the zoo and had taken the ferry to Sausalito and back. They had just finished eating hamburgers and were wondering if they could go to a movie (the umpteenth re-release of "Aladdin") or would that spoil dinner plans? Go and enjoy, they were told. The parents were just picking at leftovers. 

Derrick and Paddy returned about 7:30 PM and it was obvious that something was wrong. They were both very quiet and Paddy was clinging to Derrick's hand as if the world would end if he let go. Then Derrick told the little boy to go to his mother. 

"Dad, I really need to be by myself for a while. May I use your study?" Given mystified consent, the young man walked into the room at the front of the house and shut the door. 

Paddy was sitting in CJ's lap, his face buried against her breast. 

"Honey, did something happen with you and Derrick?" 

"I don't know, Mama. When we left the movie there was the man who thought Derrick was someone else." 

"Someone else?" 

"First he asked Derrick why I was with him, so I told the man that Derrick's daddy was now my papa and that Derrick and I are brothers. I told him that Derrick's name was Derrick but the man kept calling him Nigg-". 

CJ instinctively clamped her hand over Paddy's mouth. She and Paul looked at each other. "Go"," she said. ("I'll take care of the little one; you take care of the big one.") 

Paul knocked on the study door and waited . What he requested of his family, he gave back to them. 

Derrick opened the door. "Dad, maybe later tonight, definitely tomorrow morning, I can talk about it, but right now, I just need to be by myself." 

CJ and Paul knew that their blended family would eventually be a target for prejudice and discrimination; however, they hoped that, being in Berkeley , the probability would be less than elsewhere. 

They tried to explain to Paddy what happened and why. 

"What he was saying to Derrick wasn't a name like ‘Paddy' or ‘Maggie' or ‘Caitlin'. It was more of a bad thing." 

"Like when Carmen called Maggie a brat?" 

"Yes, sort of like that, but even worse." 

"Like when those bad boys from the next street called Uncle Hank a queer?" 

"Bad like that, but the word that the man used is the worst bad word of all." 

"But why did he say it to Derrick?" 

"Because Derrick's skin is real dark." 

"So? His skin is dark, mine is light. So what?" 

"Well, some people think that people like Derrick and Deborah and Papa aren't as nice as people with lighter skin." 

"Well, those people are just, just" he tried to think of the worst thing he could say without getting a time out, "just poopy-heads!" 

Paul and CJ laughed. Then Paul picked up the little boy from CJ's lap and carried him into his room. The two of them got him into his pajamas and took turns reading to him from "The Chronicles of Narnia". When he fell asleep, they went into the darkened living room and watched the lights of the city across the bay, thinking about the other son in the room across the hall, wishing he were young enough that being read to and tucked into bed would soothe him. 

An hour later, their passions rekindling, Paul knocked on the study door and told his son that they were going to bed and that he was locking up the house. 

About midnight, Derrick left the study, crept into the room he was sharing with Paddy, stripped to his T-shirt and boxers, and got into bed. 

"Derrick?" came the voice in the dark. 

"Yeah, buddy?" he sighed. 

Paddy turned on the bedside light and sat down next to his big brother. 

"I'm sorry that poopy-head said that bad word to you." 

In spite of himself, Derrick had to laugh. "You're right, that's what he was." 

"Here." The little boy thrust a black stuffed toy dog at him. "You can sleep with Pistol tonight." 

"Why?" 

"Cause when Daddy found out he had to leave and go to heaven, he bought Pistol for me. He said that if I was ever sad, to hug on Pistol and it would help me to remember that Daddy loved me and wouldn't want me to be sad. Daddy wouldn't want you to be sad either." Then Paddy reached over, kissed Derrick on the cheek, and returned to his own bed, shutting off the light. 

Derrick couldn't refuse, so he left the plushy black lab where Paddy had set it. When he turned onto his side, his arm happened to drape over the toy. And for some reason, he did feel better. He felt a light secure weight descend on his body, felt a stirring against his forehead. As he nodded off, he thought he caught a whiff of Estée Lauder's "Youth Dew". 

_Alicia sat lightly on the bed and pulled up the cover to her son's shoulders. She brushed a kiss on his forehead and ran her fingers through his tightly curled, close-clipped hair._

"Oh, my darling man-child, I wish I could take away all your pain." 

Danny put an arm around her shoulder. "I guess one never stops worrying, does one?" He crossed to the other bed and kissed his son. Then he stole into the next room and did the same with his daughter. 

CJ ran her hand down her husband's chest and onto his groin. 

"Any chance for thirds?" 

Saturday morning November 30, 2013 

Derrick woke early and went to the bathroom. He could smell the fresh-brewed coffee and instead of returning to bed, walked into the kitchen. 

His father was sitting at the table, reading. Derrick poured himself a cup, added some milk, and sat down across from the man. 

Paul marked his place, closed his book, (Pierre Teilhard du Chardin's _"The Phenomenon of Man"_ ), and looked up. 

"By myself, it wouldn't have meant jack , Dad. It was just the thought of destroying Paddy's innocence was so gut-wrenchingly sick. Up until last night, he didn't know color. Many people say they don't see color', but for Paddy, it was like the kids who are bilingual from birth and don't know English from Spanish. All they know is that ‘eggs' and _’huevos'_ are two words that mean the same thing. It's just so fucking sad, excuse me." 

The older man smiled. "Well, I think that when a lot of people say they don't see color, what they mean is that they see you not as a black man but as a friend, a student, a co-worker who happens to be black. They are aware that you are black but they like you for yourself. Your blackness is part of you, but it isn't the whole of you and it isn't the primary definition of you. Nor do they expect you to be their window to the black experience'. At least, that's the way it is, always was, with CJ and me. I was the same way about her whiteness. It was **her** that attracted me that day in the bookstore, that kept attracting me, that made me fall in love with her, not her skin or her hair." 

"Speaking of which, I'm sorry about yesterday morning, when I walked in on you." 

"We were the ones that forgot to shut the door," his father laughed. 

"She makes you happy, Dad." 

"Yes, she does." 

"And you make her happy." 

"And how would you know about that?" His father's smile acknowledged the truth of the statement without seeming self-satisfied or smug. 

"I'll take the fifth, plus I do have friends," Derrick laughed. "I mean, I don't remember seeing you like that with Mom, ever. Of course, we were only 13 when she began to be sick and maybe I didn't know what I was walking in on when I was younger. I know you loved her, that it killed you when she died and that's why you had to go off to the missions, but, as I said, I've never seen you so content, so satisfied. At Oberlin, in the frat house, you could always tell the guys that were in good relationships. Again, maybe it's just because now I see you as, as - " 

"As what?" 

"Well, you'll always be my father and there will always be that need to show deference and respect, but now I'm also seeing you as a friend." 

Paul reached over and clasped his son's hand. Then he took a deep breath. He had to be respectful of Alicia and her wishes, but he also had to be completely honest. 

"About me and your mother. You know, your grandmother Bernice was always a little too refined, too concerned with - " 

"Nana was a tight ass, Dad." 

"Watch your mouth, boy," Paul reacted instinctively, but he smiled just the same. "Yeah, she was. And your mother had a lot of problems with that. Some of which she rebelled against, like the way she never wore a skirt or a dress unless she absolutely had to, because her mother never let he wear pants after she turned twelve." 

"And slacks don't allow the same access a skirt does, do they?" Derrick spoke without thinking. 

Paul just looked at his son for a second, then laughed out loud. "No, they sure don't." Friend though he may now be, there was no need to share with his son that about three days after they returned from Calistoga, Paul had asked CJ, "if she was comfortable with it", to consider forgoing underwear with her skirts when it was just the two of them and the little kids in the house. Access, indeed. 

"But the one thing your mother never got over was the idea that sex belonged only in the bedroom. She tried, in the beginning, but I could tell she wasn't comfortable, and if the woman you love isn't comfortable, then you don't really derive any pleasure from it. 

"So, that is why you never caught your mother and me in a situation like you did CJ and me yesterday. But, Derrick, behind that bedroom door, your mother was everything I could have wanted , could have imagined wanting. And we were so incredibly happy until - " he stopped, looked down. When he raised his head again, his son could see the unshed tears. 

"So, yes, we are having the most amazing time, these past few weeks, but I couldn't let you think that your mother was lacking in this arena." 

"You remember Eric, the guy I roomed with sophomore year? I remember him saying that he wanted a girl who would be a whore in his bed and a lady everywhere else." 

"Well, I'm not sure about the term whore', maybe courtesan'; and I would change bed' to bedroom', for sure", Paul smiled remembering some activities in the shower and on the floor in the house in Lexington, "but I can agree with his statement." 

_"I tried so hard," Alicia said, part to herself, part to Danny, and part to Paul. "I wish I could have let go. On the beach, or in the woods, or even in the kitchen or the study. But I couldn't. And I know he was disappointed . But now – and I guess you were happy, too." She turned to Danny._

Danny knew that Paul didn't know what he was saying that day in late January when he told Danny, after a very intense and very personal conversation about CJ, "When you get to heaven, maybe you can look after my Alicia for me." Hell, Danny didn't know about it until that day in August when it became obvious that what he had wanted for CJ and Paul would become reality and Alicia showed him the Swirling Dance. But Danny Concannon knew that a woman who had doubts, be she in heaven or on earth, needed to be reassured, and he knew the best way to reassure a doubting woman. Respecting her need for privacy, he drew her behind one of the stars in Cassiopeia's Chair, and, smiling the smile that had charmed women since he was twelve, Danny Concannon began dancing the first of the ever-tightening circles around her. 

"What statement?" CJ came into the kitchen. 

"Just man talk, sweetheart." 

She walked over to Derrick, ran her hand over his head and then down the side of his cheek. "That type of nasty shitehawk, as my nieces would say, aren't worth one jot of attention from you. We're family, and we know what matters. You're mine now. Keep remembering that." 

That afternoon, Paul, Derrick, and Paddy went to the stadium to watch Cal play Stanford. CJ and Caitlin spent the afternoon in a shared bubble bath. 

In the evening, they cinched Caitlin into her cradle carrier and went out to supper at a "family" chain restaurant. CJ couldn't remember if it was Outback or TGIFriday's, or something else, and it didn't matter. What mattered was that the whole family, except for maid-of-honor Deborah, was together. 

It was an early night. Berkeley to Seattle was a twelve-hour drive and Derrick wanted to be back by 7:00 PM. His first class on Monday was at 8:00 AM. 

Sunday morning December 1, 2013

"Drive carefully," Paul told his son. 

"Are you sure you don't want another sandwich? How about some fruit? Call us when you get there." CJ was mastering the art of being a student's mother quite nicely. 

"Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Come ere, buddy." Derrick picked up Paddy and gave him a bear hug. "See you at Christmas. Keep our room neat so Santa brings us lots of presents." 

Tuesday December 17, 2013 late afternoon

"CJ!" 

She looked up and saw her stepdaughter by the United baggage claim at Oakland International Airport . Deborah had called CJ to let her know the plane had landed and to let her know that she was making her way from the gate to the baggage claim. At that point, CJ had left the "Park and Call" area, pulled into the short-term parking lot, and hade made her way to the carousel area. 

The two women hugged. 

"So Dad is sick?" 

"Yes, he's been running a fever, has aches, a cough, the whole nine yards. Paddy caught it last week at pre-school and gave it to him. He kept saying he could come out to meet you, but when he tried to shower, he almost fainted . I told him that he needed to be completely well for his services on the 24th, not to mention all the other Christmas things going on. So he's home with an almost-well Paddy and Caitlin." 

"I'm sure he must have been sick when we were growing up, but I don't really remember any of the times. Maybe Derrick does. Oh, those are mine, the ones with the neon pink ribbons on the handles." 

The two women wheeled the bags to the car and drove back to the house. CJ told Deborah that while she was here, she would have the use of CJ's car. CJ would drive the minivan Paul used. (They had bought it when they realized that at times, they would need to transport four adults, Paddy in his booster seat, and Caitlin in her car seat). Paul would use the Mustang. 

"Instead of all this trading around, why don't I just use the Mustang?" 

_"That's right, give me a heart attack!" Danny exclaimed. He was pacing anxiously along the perimeter of the Southern Cross, as he had done since CJ had left for the airport, and would do until they reached the house in Kensington. Paul should have made her take a limo and a bonded driver to the airport to pick up Deborah._

They entered the master bedroom. Paul and Paddy were asleep on the bed. Caitlin was in her playpen on the floor, entranced by the caveman doll that her godmother had sent over from Ireland for her first birthday last month. 

CJ and Deborah crept out of the bedroom and shut the door. 

"Let's get your things in your room." 

After Thanksgiving and Derrick's easy acceptance of "brothers share a room", they had bought a second twin bed and another dresser for Paddy's room. They had also bought a daybed and a dresser to put in the nursery for Deborah to use when she was with them. They would be keeping Caitlin in their room for the next two weeks and had moved the crib and the changing table into it. CJ had replaced the baby-themed wallpaper and lamps with something in an understated flowery feminine theme. She had bought coordinated bed linen and an area rug, some fresh flowers for the dresser, a clock radio, and a water pitcher with matching glass. There were pale coral towels, to distinguish from the cream ones for Derrick and the blue ones for Paddy, in the communal bathroom. 

"I hope this will be okay. We didn't want to put cable outlets in the rooms because we didn't want the kids to have television in their rooms at such a young age. But there is a set in the living room as well as in the family room, so you and Derrick can fight over it if necessary. We may have to come in every other day or so to get some more of Caitlin's things." 

Marta, the cleaning lady, had been in the house for her once a week stint yesterday, so everything should pass inspection. CJ was, she admitted , nervous. 

Part of her was glad that Deborah's exams had finished up a few days before Derrick's would; it would give her a chance to bond with her grownup stepdaughter (daughter, she corrected herself. Paul wanted them to think of all four children as "theirs", at least between the two of them.) The other part of her, the part that had already reached a comfortable position with Derrick, wished that he were here to help her bond with his twin. 

Deborah hugged CJ. "This is perfect. And you really didn't need to move out Caitlin. I would have been fine with her in the room." She began unpacking. 

"She sometimes has a bad night. And you shouldn't be spending your break with bottles and changing diapers." 

"But you and Dad need your privacy." Deborah blushed slightly. Derrick had called her after Thanksgiving and let her know that their father and CJ were obviously in love. He didn't tell her of his father's revelations about his sex life with their mother. To Derrick, that was a "man to man" talk; the relationship between a father and son was different from that between a father and daughter. His father would have to decide what he wanted to share with Deborah. 

CJ laughed easily. "We have ways of helping her to sleep when we want to not be interrupted . And Danny and I spent several vacation weeks with Paddy in the same room. It didn't seem to hurt him any." Then she realized what she had said and to whom she had said it. She suddenly felt uncomfortable. She wanted to be friends with this girl, but she was not ready to discuss her and her husband's sex life with said husband's daughter. "I'm going to check on my patients. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen." 

A few seconds later, she returned to Caitlin's, now Deborah's, room. "Your father's awake." 

The two of them entered the master bedroom. Deborah bent down to kiss her father. 

"Hi, baby. I'm glad you're here." He did feel warm to her, sounded a bit hoarse. 

"Deborah!" Paddy leaped up and hugged her. "You're here! Santa's bringing the tree! We bought you soap and bubbles for Christmas! It's a surprise!" 

She remembered that as little children, she and Derrick were told that they were special and that Santa Claus would bring and decorate their tree for them on Christmas Eve. That was why they didn't have one in their house the day after Thanksgiving like all their friends. That was also why their tree stayed up until mid-January, whereas their neighbors' trees in Lexington were out on the sidewalk for pickup very soon after Christmas, some as early as the night of December 25, most by New Year's. She was glad that her father and CJ had decided to continue the custom with Paddy. 

The "sickies" were happy with soup and toast for supper. CJ ran out to the local Safeway for salad bar salad and a roasted chicken for her and Deborah. By 7:30 PM, Deborah apologized, but she was dead tired. 

"It's 10:30 for you." CJ said she understood. 

Wednesday December 18 12:30 PM

CJ took a tray with ginger ale, chicken soup, and Jell-O into the master bedroom and placed it over her husband's lap. 

He took hold of her hand and kissed it. "You spoil me." 

She sat next to him and felt his forehead, then kissed it. "You feel almost normal. And you deserve it. Derrick called; he should get here between 9:00 and 10:00 tonight. Deborah's still in bed; I'm just a little concerned. I mean, it's mid-afternoon for her." 

"They always did sleep round the clock the first day after the end of a term. Stress release after all the finals and papers. Derrick will do the same thing tomorrow. Which is a good thing, since she'll tie up the bathroom spending a lot of time in the tub with one of those bodice ripper novels. How's Paddy?" 

"All better. I can't decide if he's more excited about Derrick coming in tonight or Billy Marshall's birthday party tomorrow afternoon." 

Derrick made it in by 9:30, just as Paddy was nodding off. CJ heated up the leftover lasagna that had been their supper. 

Thursday December 19, 2013

Derrick did spend the day asleep, as his sister did the day before. Paddy was disappointed until time to leave for the movie and pizza party for the Marshall boy's birthday. CJ had volunteered to help Amy Marshall with the party, but when she mentioned that her husband was ill, Amy told her not to bother, there were several other mothers coming. ("You poor thing! I'd rather take care of five sick kids than one sick husband! They can be so clinging!") 

Deborah came out for breakfast, then did plant herself in the tub with a Beatrice Small tome. 

CJ entered the bedroom with the intention of taking away Paul's lunch tray. 

"Close the door and lock it." 

She turned around to see her husband smiling at her. 

"Oh?" 

"It's been four days." 

"Caitlin - " 

"Is sound asleep. She always is when she wears that sleeper with the Aztec print that Aisling gave her. It's been four days." His smile grew bigger as she approached the bed. 

"And you have the strength to - " 

He pulled her down onto the bed. 

"That's why I taught you to ride all those years ago. I can be lazy." He kissed her. "I'm glad I bought you these tops with the built-in bras. It's one less thing to take off." He kissed her again. 

It was amazing how just the sound of his voice could make her ready to receive him. 

"And these aren't needed." He pulled off her panties, pulled her over his groin, freed himself from his boxers, and helped her to lower herself onto him. 

There was something incredibly erotic about feeling what was going on under her skirt but not seeing it. 

"So I'm doing all the work," she said, reaching down to kiss him. 

"Not quite all." His left hand controlled her hip, helping her to find the right rhythm. His right fingers rested on her other hip. "I'll be doing this." He moved his right thumb counter-clockwise around her core. "Or this." He reversed the rotation. "Or maybe this." He moved the thumb up and down right over the throbbing part of her. 

She gasped and responded. Some things, they remembered from the first time in the 1980's; some things, they had learned since then and were teaching other. Both were fun. 

She climaxed once, then he did. Then he brought her to completion again. Finally, she collapsed on his chest. 

"I think I can eat dinner at the table tonight." 

Friday December 20, 2013

After sharing a delivery pizza, CJ, Derrick, and Paddy were at the dining room table working on the Christmas cards. Paul had taken Deborah into San Francisco for lunch. 

The Reeves had always sent a family picture card. CJ and Danny had always sent greeting cards. They spent a lot of time picking out three different cards each year: a very religious one for those for whom "Jesus is the reason for the season", a more "secular Christmas" one for those who were not that religious but were nominally Christian, and a "Season's Greetings" one for the others on their list. 

CJ and Paul had decided to include a picture inside one of two greeting cards, a "Christmas" one and a " Holiday " one, both with a "Peace" theme. The picture was one taken of the six of them at the wedding. Paul, Derrick, and Paddy looked very handsome in their tuxedos. CJ, seated next to her new husband, had worn a grayish ivory-colored lace suit and Deborah wore a green tea-length sundress with a matching jack et. Caitlin, seated on Paul's lap, had on a pink pinafore with a white blouse. Paddy stood next to CJ and the twins were standing behind the others. They had already signed the cards with their names and those of the four kids. 

They had planned to send them earlier in the week, but Paul's illness delayed that plan. 

CJ was stuffing the envelopes with the cards and pictures. Derrick was sticking on the address labels and stuffing in the appropriate letter (one written by Paul for his and Alicia's friends, one by CJ for hers and Danny's), explaining to those who had not yet heard the news, the story of the past year. 

"And so we ask you to share in our joy as from the sorrow of our individual tragedies, God has given us a second chance at the happiness we shared so many years ago, and we ask for your prayers and good thoughts as we combine ourselves into a new family." 

Paddy was in charge of putting the return address labels on the envelopes. They had had to print them themselves; they hadn't been at the Kensington house long enough to get labels from the various and sundry charities. All three of them would do the stamps. 

CJ showed Derrick the religious card that Danny had picked out for last year. On the front was a newborn's footprint in grey, with the words "For unto us is born this day". On the inside, there was a grey handprint with a red splotch in the middle of the palm. The verse was completed "a savior who is Christ the Lord." 

"He always addressed them by hand; he had the best penmanship. And he always included a hand-written note on the letter." 

_"Labels! I never used address labels; I always wrote out the addresses. At least, the cards aren't pre-printed with the names," Danny grumbled._

"But they're sending out your list and our list; that's twice as many cards," Alicia countered. "Come on, there's caroling and hot chocolate with whipped cream on Betelgeuse." 

"So your father and Deborah do this every year?" 

"Ever since we were about eight, he would take her to lunch at a really nice place on one of the vacation days before Christmas. When we lived in Lexington , he would take her up to Cincinnati , maybe to Louisville , someplace that still had a real "downtown". Father-daughter bonding. He mentioned last night that he couldn't wait until Caitlin was old enough for it. He had been sad because he knew that eventually, Deborah would have her own life and it would stop. Now he has another daughter to take to lunch at Christmas." 

He didn't want to tell her the rest of the reason for the trip, in case his father was going to continue the tradition. In addition to eating lunch in a fancy restaurant, with starched table linen, fine china and crystal, and gilded flatware, they would purchase the piece of jewelry and the clothing ensemble that would be Paul's Christmas gifts for Alicia. There were always smaller presents such as various items scented with her perfume, a bottle of the perfume, maybe even a "practical" item, but the jewelry and the clothing were constants. 

"And you never felt left out?" CJ asked. 

"Get dressed up in a Sunday outfit, a suit and tie, dress shoes, eat in a fancy place where I had to be careful of my manners, and look at women's clothes? No, I stayed home and helped Mom decorate the cookies. That was our tradition." 

"Well, I'm not big on baking and decorating cookies, but maybe we can make doing the cards our tradition. That and eating pizza." 

After eating lunch in the Garden Court restaurant in the Palace Hotel, Paul and Deborah were shopping in Union Square for CJ. 

Paul confessed to Deborah that he wasn't sure he was comfortable buying CJ jewelry. 

"Danny always gave her such stunning stuff. He and Josh Lyman made a contest out of it, trying to one up each other with the things they would buy for their wives. I'm way out of that league." 

Deborah told him about the bracelet worn by the mother of her roommate's groom. "It was a charm bracelet and there was a stone for each member of the family that hooked onto the links with a lobster clasp. We could see if someone here has the concept in stock. We'd need two citrines for her and Caitlin, two aquamarines for Derrick and me, and, since you and Paddy were both born in June, two pearls." 

As it turned out, Tiffany's had the bracelet and the charms. 

Next, they picked out a cashmere sweater and cape set in Macy's. 

Then Deborah asked if they could split up for about 90 minutes. She had a few last minute things she wanted to buy. Paul agreed; there were a few things he wanted to buy without his daughter's assistance. They set up a time and a place to meet. As she headed off to find the Gap, Paul headed toward the exclusive lingerie shop he had contacted three weeks ago. 

Saturday December 21, 2013

They all piled into the minivan and drove up to Napa to see CJ's brother and his family. After a late lunch of lasagna, eggplant parmesan, salad, garlic bread, and ricotta cheesecake, they drove home and then drove all around the town, checking out the lights in the various neighborhoods. 

Between two church services and professional football, Sunday was booked solid. 

Monday December 23, 2013

Derrick took Paddy with him to do his Christmas shopping. ("We single men always wait until pretty much the last minute.") 

They had given Paddy some chores (taking the labels from the cans before putting them in the recycle bin, sweeping the porches, helping to sort the laundry by color) in order to "earn" some money for Christmas presents. The child ended up with a little over $60.00. CJ and Paul "encouraged" him to set aside a little of it for the Salvation Army kettle and to buy a toy for one of the children on the church Giving Tree. 

Derrick helped him pick out some sterling earrings for his mother and Deborah, a new rattle for Caitlin, and some socks for his Papa. (Before they left the house, Paddy gave Deborah $10.00 and asked her to buy Derrick some socks so he would have a present for his brother.) 

_Danny thought back to last January. He had told Paul that he was setting aside some money so the kids would be able to buy CJ presents for her birthday and for Christmas._

He was taken aback by the minister's reaction. If he and CJ were to marry, Paul told Danny, he would see to it that the children had presents to give their mother. Paul told him that the trust funds for their education, or other use after they reached adulthood, were one thing. It was good that Paddy and Caitlin could attend any college or university to which they could gain admittance without worrying about the cost. But the normal expenses of living would be an entirely different matter. That would be his responsibility. 

Danny realized that he had been out of line and apologized. Later, he contacted Josh and gave him the funds. As long as CJ remained unmarried, Josh would see to it that she received the type of gifts from the children that Danny had given her since their marriage. 

Now, Danny realized that Paul's approach to the gift situation was a much better one. The presents were much more age-appropriate than the expensive jewelry and clothing that Danny envisioned. And Paddy was learning that working in order to give someone you loved a gift was a good thing. The man was an excellent father for his kids. 

Derrick and Paddy stopped in the Dollar Tree and bought some gift bags, tissue paper, and tags. Single men didn't tape and wrap and play with bows. 

Tuesday December 24, 2013

Paul, Alicia and the twins always ate their big meal (turkey breast with the usual accompaniments) on Christmas Eve, after the evening service. On Christmas day, they had a pre-cooked spiral-sliced ham, but it was pretty much pick as you go. 

But this year, there would be two church services: the 7:30 PM service at University Christian at which Paul would be preaching and then the midnight Mass (well, 10:00 PM Mass) at CJ's parish. 

CJ's mother's mother was Italian-American and the Creggs had adopted the Italian custom of having seafood on Christmas Eve. CJ and Danny continued it. The Creggs didn't do the traditional seven courses ("But Gina's family does.") However, whatever they had, it consisted of fish or shellfish. On Christmas day, CJ and Danny had their own turkey meal, the one they never had on their own at Thanksgiving. 

This year, they had shrimp and vegetable tempura before the services. On Christmas day, they would have the traditional turkey meal, but with just the breast and not the entire turkey. They would eat ham on the 26th. 

After the two services, they put the sleeping Paddy and Caitlin to bed, then brought in the tree from its hiding place in the garage, set up the tree in the living room, and decorated it. Derrick helped Paul with the train set around the trunk of the tree, the tricycle and the wagon while CJ and Deborah put the rest of the presents under the tree. By 1:00 AM, CJ and Deborah were exhausted and went to their beds. Paul and Derrick were still playing with the train, proving that there is no such thing as a grown man, only big boys. 

Wednesday December 25, 2013

It was nice to be awakened by kisses all over your face and hearing your wife's voice whispering "Merry Christmas, darling." Particularly if said wife was dead to the world when you finally had enough of playing with the train set that theoretically was a present for the little boy down the hall and had come to bed at 2:00 AM. 

She was wearing one of his T-shirts, probably the one he had discarded when he showered yesterday afternoon before church. He smiled at the thought of what she would unwrap later this morning. He was erect, but it wasn't all desire for her. He eased his way onto his knees and moved toward the edge of the bed. 

"Don't. Move. Stay. Right. There." He kissed her after each word. 

"So that's not me, that's just a full bladder?" she joked. 

"It's both, but it will be better without the need to go," he laughed as he went into their bathroom. 

She watched him walk back to the bed. He was wearing the pale blue pajama bottoms, and she could see that relieving himself had not deflated him in the slightest. 

He had divested her of his T-shirt and was about to remove his pajamas when they were interrupted . 

Thirty minutes earlier, Deborah had silently opened the door to the other bedroom and woke her twin, taking care not to disturb Paddy. They went to the kitchen, shutting the door to the bedroom wing. 

They worked well as a team, having done this before and having scoped out the kitchen when no one was looking. He cut crusts from bread, spread one side with whipped butter, sugar, and cinnamon, and baked them in the oven while she prepared hot chocolate. They set up a tray with 5 cups, a small bottle filled with juice, napkins, and the pot of hot chocolate. They made their way back to the bedrooms, stopping off to wake Paddy. 

His big sister had a whole bunch of plastic candles with little white lights on her head. His big brother wore a pair of reindeer antlers. 

"You look funny!" the little boy exclaimed. 

"Sshh!" they told him. "It's a surprise. Here." They put a Santa hat with a lighted white puff on his head and the three of them headed toward the closed door of the master bedroom. 

Then Derrick and Deborah started singing. 

"We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, 

We wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!" 

As a new husband, Paul groaned in frustration. As a father, his heart swelled. Ever since they were eight years old, Deborah and Derrick had awakened Alicia and him on Christmas morning with singing and breakfast. They had continued the custom after Alicia had died, when he was in missionary work and had come back to his sister-in-law's house for the holiday. For them to continue it now was the ultimate sign that they accepted CJ and the children, that they saw themselves as part of the new family. 

"Where's the T-shirt?" he asked. She hurriedly put something on and pulled the covers up over her legs. 

He sang the response that would signal permission to enter the room. 

"Good tidings to you, wherever you are 

Good tidings for Christmas, and a Happy New Year!" 

Deborah, wearing the St. Lucy crown that, by tradition, should have been worn on December 13, came in with the tray. Derrick stopped by the crib to pick up Caitlin and stuck a "red nose" on her little one. 

CJ laughed and clapped her hands. Then she pulled out her phone and took pictures of everyone. 

"Merry Christmas, Daddy." Deborah kissed her father and set the tray carefully on his lap. 

"Merry Christmas, CJ." Derrick kissed his stepmother's cheek and handed her the baby. Then he stopped Paddy from jumping on the bed and spilling the contents of the tray. "Sit down gently." 

Then the six of them sat on the bed, eating cinnamon toast and drinking hot chocolate. Some liquid was spilled, some crumbs made their way under the covers, but CJ and Paul didn't care. Paddy was so excited he didn't notice Deborah sneaking out of the room. 

Five minutes later, Derrick said, "What's that I hear?" 

"It sounds like bells!" Paul said. "I think Santa has been here!" 

Paddy leapt off the bed and ran to the family room. There were some footprints on the runner that someone had thoughtfully put by the fireplace and the milk and cookies were gone. "Where's the tree? Where's the presents?" He ran to the front of the house. "It's in the living room!" 

After Paddy tore through his toys, the rest of them opened their packages. CJ loved the sweater set and the bracelet and let Paul know with big kisses. He responded the same way when he opened the rare autographed copies of Thomas Merton's works (President Bartlet still had great "pull") and the pocket watch with a miniature copy of the family wedding/Christmas picture in the cover. There were CDs for Derrick and Deborah, clothes, and gift cards. CJ also gave each of them an autographed set of Danny's books. She only had ten sets left when he had died. 

Then there were two packages for CJ with "Santa" on the "from" line. 

The first one contained three silk and lace sleeping T-shirts in peach, teal, and bronze. They would reach her mid-thigh when worn. 

When he and CJ married, she had with her several full-length negligees, which she wore on a regular basis, especially when they had spent the day in "anticipation". But she also tended to sleep in his undershirts and T-shirts, always taking something out of the dirty clothes hamper. 

"Not that I mind you wearing mine," Paul laughed. "But these are nice in their own way." 

Then she opened the second box. And stared. "Oh." 

The one Abbey had given her had been midnight blue. This one was the bluish green of a blue spruce tree. 

The one Abbey had given her tied on the left shoulder. This one tied on the right. 

The one Abbey had given her had little buttons under the left arm down to the hip. This one had little ties under the right arm. 

"It's beautiful," she said. "Thank you." And she kissed him again. 

He sensed that something was amiss, but would have to ask her about it later. 

Deborah mentioned that he seemed to have done very well for someone who hadn't any experience in purchasing lingerie. Little did she know. 

He had known as soon as he met Alicia, that last year at Yale, that she was the woman for him, and pursued her vigilantly. When she told him that her father's mother had extracted a deathbed promise that she would remain a virgin until her wedding night, he told her that he would respect her need to keep her word, but he wanted to get married as soon as possible after he received his degree and began his assignment in West Virginia . "Thank God it's only six months," he laughed. 

Her mother's family was descended from the gens du couleur of ante-bellum New Orleans . Somewhere along the way, they had abandoned Roman Catholicism for High Episcopalianism ("All the ritual and fun without any of the guilt", Alicia was fond of saying). Her Tennessee-born father, a farm laborer's son, had leveraged a football scholarship at Penn State into Academic All-American status and an NCAA post-graduate fellowship, had earned a Ph.D. at Vanderbilt, and now taught Spanish language and literature at Princeton . Her very proper mother insisted on a very proper, very "Emily Post" wedding and Alicia acquiesced. "It's just easier," Alicia said. "And she can pull it off in six months." 

They would be flying to Bermuda for their honeymoon on Monday afternoon, but would spend Saturday night and Sunday in New York . His fraternity brothers had chipped in for a limousine to take them from the reception at the Princeton Faculty Club to the city. 

When they reached the room and he had tipped the bell cap and dismissed the man, he removed his suit jack et and tie, then reached over and took off the hat her mother insisted that she wear as part of her "going away" ensemble. He held her gently by the shoulders and kissed her forehead. 

"I suppose I should go change," she said. 

He remembered what the guys at the house at Dartmouth had taught him. "Unless she is comfortable doing it, or having it done to her, you won't enjoy it." 

"Only if you want to, Alicia," he whispered into her ear. "The only thing we have to do is catch the plane on Monday. And not even that, if you don't want to go." 

But she just smiled shyly, picked up a small case, and went into the bathroom. 

He took off his dress shirt, his shoes, and his socks. Then he opened the champagne and filled two flutes. 

The bathroom door opened. He turned around. And stared. 

He expected to find her in something long, flowing, and white. It was what he assumed his new mother-in-law would have picked out as the "proper thing". 

She was wearing a camisole and what he later found out were called tap pants. The silk was a bright red, slightly on the orange side as opposed to the purple. 

"Wow!" he couldn't help himself. 

"You like?" she asked, smiling. 

"I do. But I can't imagine your mother choosing that for you." 

She walked up to him, put her arms around him, and kissed him deeply. "She didn't. I did. The last thing my mother said to me before we left the reception is that once the bedroom door is closed, there are no rules." (He had always wondered why Joe never gave the impression of being "hen-pecked", even though Bernice seemed to dominate the relationship. Now he had some insight.) "And these things make me feel good about myself. I'm not the type for long, flowing things, for lots of fabric. I like minimal, I like functional, and I like it when minimal and functional are also pretty. After today, you're not going to see me in a dress or a skirt unless it's a wedding, a funeral, or your job depends on my wearing one. In that respect, I'll never be my mother's daughter again." 

Then she pulled him toward the bed and looked directly into his eyes. "My father knew about my promise to his mother. The last thing my father said to me before we left was that he was not going to worry about me tonight because he knew that you were a good man and you loved me; therefore, he said, I shouldn't worry about anything either. And I'm not worried, I'm not scared. I'm a little nervous because although I've read the books, I'm smart enough to know that book learning isn't quite the same as the real thing. I waited because I told my Meemaw I would wait. But I don't have to wait any longer." And she sat on the edge of the bed, unbuckled his belt, and lowered the zipper of his pants. 

He joined her on the bed. "Why don't you show me what you learned in those books and then I'll show you the reality." 

And every Christmas and every birthday, he had bought her those pieces, some in silk, some in satin, some in the finest lawn cotton. Some had ribbons, some had lace, some had synthetic fur and feather trim. Once, as a joke, he bought her something more tawdry than tasteful and laughed in amazement when she wore it, acting the part of the "bought and paid for woman" who might wear such things. But he always gave her the box behind the door where she could ignore everything her mother had imbued in her. 

He told Deborah that he had plenty of experience with purchasing lingerie. "Your mother was a very private person. She preferred opening such packages without the two of you around." 

Later that day, after dinner, he found CJ alone in their bedroom and asked her about her reaction to the nightgown. 

"Something hit you funny, sweetheart. I could feel it." 

She told him about that first full day she had spent with Danny, the gift from Abbey, and the revelation about John Hoynes. 

He kissed her. "I'll take it back." He told her he understood, and he did. He would never buy her camisoles and tap pants. Actually, it was a good thing she preferred the gowns and shirts. As Derrick said, access was important. 

"No," she responded, kissing him back. "It's not an issue; it just brought back memories for a second. I like wearing nightgowns with you and I love the one you bought. I mean, you wore suits before, and I like you in suits. We can't avoid absolutely everything we ever experienced with Alicia and Danny." But she would never wear the top half of a pair of men's pajamas again. 

_Danny was about to pull Alicia into their secret place in Cassiopeia's Chair and slip his hand underneath the tap pants that suddenly appeared on her, (he didn't think there were any access problems), when Mariah came up to them._

"Come on, it's time for the party. There's cake and ice cream by The Crater. Then we'll play "Pin the Tail on the Goat." 

"Party? What party?" Danny asked. 

Mariah gave him one of those "Wow, are you dumb!" looks he remembered from CJ. 

"It's my Boy's birthday." 

"Oh," Danny felt like an idiot. "But why are we pinning the tail on the goat?" 

"Jesus is a Capricorn." 

Danny decided that Alicia, the secret place, and the tap pants had best wait. 

That evening, the family settled down to watch "A Christmas Story" and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" before Paddy fell asleep, then "Miracle on 34th Street " afterward. CJ was chilly and pulled a throw up over her shoulders. Paul snuck his hand underneath and felt her up throughout the movies. 

Friday December 27, 2013

Derrick and Deborah were going to Tahoe. One of her classmates from Miami of Ohio was at Berkeley and had rented a cabin with a group of friends. When she found out that Deborah was in town, she invited Deborah and her brother to join them. The timing was good; Hogan had flown up from San Diego for the day. 

Deborah told her father to return Caitlin's crib and things to her room. When they returned from their long weekend in the Sierras, it would be no problem to have the baby in with her for the next few days. 

"And if she's a problem, it will just remind me that I don't want to start on the road to motherhood until I'm married," the girl laughed. 

_"We were so afraid that she might go the way of some of her friends," Alicia told Danny._

Paddy wanted to go along. 

"I'm sorry, Paddy, this is just for grown-ups. You and I will have other times to do things together." It was hard to ignore the unshed tears in the boy's eyes. 

CJ talked quietly with Hogan and then placed a call to Diana Muñoz. Then she consulted her husband. 

"Paddy, how would you like to go down to Santa Monica and stay with Maggie, Aunt Diana, and Uncle Frank for a few days?" 

And Paddy had no more desire to go with his brother. 

Wednesday January 1, 2014

Derrick and Deborah hugged and kissed everyone. She would be driving up to Seattle to spend a few days with her twin before flying back to New York . 

"Will we see you in April for Easter?" CJ asked Deborah. "Or before? You know you're welcome at any time." 

Paul and CJ stood arm in arm, Caitlin in her other arm, Paddy by his side. They waved to the departing twins. 

"Well, that was a very good Christmas. I enjoyed having them here. I think we're going to work out okay," CJ said. 

"Yes, it was. So did I. I think we will," her husband replied. Then he whispered into her ear. "But now that they're gone, go take off that useless underwear." 

\---------------------------------------------- 

Breakfast Ramekins from "The Kentucky Derby Museum Cookbook" 

Butter 

Ham, cooked and cut into small pieces 

Cheese (almost any kind), cut into cubes 

Eggs 

Salt and fresh ground pepper 

Heavy cream 

3 inch ramekins, 1 per serving 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter each ramekin. Layer bottom of each ramekin with ham and cheese, top with one egg, and salt and pepper to taste. Add cream to each ramekin to completely cover the other ingredients. (These can be prepared in advance and refrigerated .) 

Fifteen to thirty minutes before serving time, put the ramekins in a baking pan with one inch of boiling water. Bake for 15-30 minutes (depending on number of ramekins), testing for cooked but soft egg center. May be served with toast points. 


End file.
